It started with vanity. Near the corner of my mouth, was a stubborn clogged pore, or so I thought. With something like a tiny hole punch, the dermatologist removed it and sent it for a routine biopsy. To our great surprise, the pathology report showed a melanoma! A few weeks later, she removed a piece of my face the size of a nickel and ¼ inch deep. Feeling lucky that the cancer hadn’t spread, I took the crater in my face to a plastic surgeon.

The dear plastic surgeon spent 30 minutes before the surgery explaining the different approaches to the repair. He took pictures of the crater, and pictures of my mouth in a grin and in a pucker. He showed me textbook pictures of drastic facial reconstructions, giving me a quick education on possibilities for my face. The pictures were hard to look at, but my “defect” seemed less and less of a challenge.

I need to tell you I’m very squeamish, but the education was quite reassuring, and it postponed the cutting and sewing a few minutes longer.

Getting me on to the surgery table at 3 pm, routine for them, OMG for me! They strapped my arms to the table so I wouldn’t reflexively interfere with the project. A sweet, smiling nurse gave me injections of a local anesthetic, reminding me that I’d still be able to feel pressure. I soon found that to be true, as I could feel the pressure of the knife, and the astonishing sensation of stretching as the doctor manipulated layers of um, tissue. I noticed I was sweating and flexing and extending fingers and toes so I wouldn’t try to jump off the table.

Considering the prospect of writhing for the duration, I tried yogic breathing, which settled me enough to remember that I know Hypnosis! I wanted a direct route to peace and calm. I’d hypnotized myself with recordings before, but this was the first time to hypnotize myself without a map.

There are many self-hypnosis techniques, and without much thinking, I started a countdown. Ten……… breathe and allow the muscles in my legs to relax……. nine ………. muscles getting heavier with each breath …………. eight ……….. just notice the breath, allow the breath to begin to settle ……… seven …….. WHAT IS HE DOING WITH MY LIP? ………. six …… you know you’re safe and secure, just keep counting, UH …………. five …… PANT! PANT!

I felt like I clawed my way down the numbers, and I didn’t know if it would work or not. It didn’t feel like I was making any headway toward calming down or relaxing, until I got to the bottom. At One………………………… Magically, as if I had stepped into a rowboat and pushed off a rocky shore, I was adrift in a sea of peace and calmness. Replacing anxious, squeamish thoughts, were thoughts such as “I’m getting used to these sensations. This is what facial surgery feels like, and it means my face will look good again. The doctor is capable and confident. It feels good to relax. I’m so damn HAPPY the cancer is gone and there’s a skilled surgeon to put my face back together. The scar is going to be CUTE!”

My subconscious mind had accepted the request to find positive, uplifting thoughts. The bright lights didn’t bother me. There was no music in the room, but the doctor spoke with the nurse occasionally. He made small talk with me, and it was a place of peace. He worked for two hours, as if he had a fascinating new puzzle, and it flew by like a half hour for me. I joked with the doctor not to rush. “That was pretty much my plan”, the doctor replied. Deeply relaxed, I felt a little Mona Lisa smile on the free corner of my mouth. Nearing 5 pm, he was sewing up the top layer. I was so completely relaxed, I knew I needed to make an effort to bring myself back into the room. Breathe deeply, stretch through fingers and toes, feel the sensations in arms (still strapped down) and legs, a few more deep breaths, and open the eyes. I felt like I’d had a good nap that somehow resulted in a big bandage across chin and cheek. “Be careful about smiling,” they warned me, and that was the hard part. I was happy, relieved, elated!

When the stitches came out ten days later, the scar looked very cute, a badge of living. I even notice that the side of my face with the scar is firmer and less saggy than the other side. Bonus!